my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
