dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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