enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
