I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
