whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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