she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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