At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
