dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
