Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize