u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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