Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
