he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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