I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
