Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
