So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was confusing and full of hummus
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
