Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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