Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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