Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
