she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
