Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just blew my weed a kiss
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
