Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
