I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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