I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
