Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize