She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
