VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
