what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
