Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
