My hair reeks of homosexuality.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
