Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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