hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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