You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
