i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
