I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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