I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
