trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It all started with a game of naked twister.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
