That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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