Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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