it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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