And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
