I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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