I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
