Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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