just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
