you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
