I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
