Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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