Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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