Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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