The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
