afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
