I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
