hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
