he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
