When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
