i was born a porn star she said
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
