it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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