and you said cock pushups were impossible
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you never un-have a 4some
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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