So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His nipple licking is glorious
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