remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
