The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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