It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
