We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
