Betty ford says i'm here all night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize