Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
