I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
