god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
