My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We got so high we made milksteak
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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