I'm eating all of the evidence.
so let's talk penis.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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