His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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