I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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