Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
